Compassion, what's that?

The boys had a play date yesterday with a friend from Colin's class.  He came over along with his lovely mother and little 3 year old sister.  This wasn't our first time playing together but an incident occurred during our play date that got me thinking-- How do we instill compassion in our kids, especially our boys?

Well, being a mother of 6 year old twin boys has never been an easy job.  But, now we've moved beyond feeding schedules and nap times.  Life's big lessons are looming in the back of my mind and things are beginning to get serious.  How do I raise my boys to be compassionate and caring young men in a society that rewards independence, stoicism, and strength?  Also, having boys who are full of pride and don't want to "lose" face in front of their friends adds another layer of resistance and difficulty.

As the mom and I discussed this idea, we came to a few conclusions, although this is not a topic that ever really can be put to rest.  We realized that first and foremost, setting a good example for our boys is vital.  By watching us show compassion and empathy to others, they too will internalize these lessons over time.  Secondly, discussing with the boys the meaning of being a "good friend" and what that entails.  Giving them examples and role playing so that when the opportunity comes up they don't feel put on the spot or unsure about what to do or say.  Finally, we all forget  that we have to cut our kids some slack.  Remembering that they are still 5 or 6 years old.  Making sure that what we expect of them emotionally is developmentally age appropriate.  You wouldn't expect a 6 year old to be able to do Algebra would you?  Well, then we can't expect them to be able to function at a certain emotional level if they aren't there yet developmentally.

As we were getting ready for bed and all was calm and quiet, I brought up our little issue of the day.  The boys were able to hear what I was saying and I hope they really "heard" me.  As I kissed them good night and snuggled them one last time, I couldn't help but want to freeze time and keep them young and so innocent.