One of the earliest memories I have is from when I was about 3 years old. My dad used to be a heavy smoker those days. I remember walking up to him and asking him why he smoked, when there were so many better tasting things in the world :) Apparently, my question effected my dad deeply and soon after he quit smoking. I never knew the influence I had on him until recently. Conversely, now that I'm a mother I've begun to think a lot more about his influence on me as a child and ultimately, as an adult. We all know the influence and effect mothers have on the development of their children, but where do the dad's fit into the equation?
When Tyler and Colin were born, it was ALL about mommy. They could have cared less about Paul and what he was about! I remember thinking, when will it be his turn? I was their entire universe, and Paul was another planet orbiting around me, hoping to get some attention every now and then. But, as the boys grew up things started to change, and I slowly began to see the desire for them to connect to their dad. They would get so excited to see him when he would come home! Just like little puppies, they would run to him and give him so much love and attention. I loved watching them with him, and I realized that the father - son relationship is something that I will never really understand. There's a bond there that only they can relate to and I was so happy to see it developing! It became very clear to me that dads play a huge role in the development of their children, more so than was ever imagined. There's so much research being done on the influence fathers have on their children and the importance of a healthy father-child relationship. Fathers are the child's first experience with a man. For a girl, her father will be the first man she falls in love with. Her relationship with him will teach her how to interact with men and ultimately what type of man she may end up with. For boys, the father figure will give them a living model to shape themselves after. Some may think that athletes or musicians fill this role. In actuality, the father figure that is actively engaged in the boys life has a tremendous influence on the type of man that boy will grow up to become. Somewhere around age 6 or 7 is where young boys will almost "lock in" on the primary male figure in their lives. This may be a very obvious shift, or it may be very subtle. Either way, it's very important for mothers to allow this bonding to happen and for fathers to be ready with open arms for it!
About a couple years ago, Paul started taking the boys on these "boys only" trips. It was his idea and I was more than thrilled at the prospect of having a weekend to myself! I have to admit, I was a little nervous at first. Would he be able to handle both boys by himself? What about the potty issues and making sure they eat enough fruits and veggies? But, I knew this would be a great opportunity so I helped them plan their first trip and off they went! It's been a couple years now since Paul started this tradition with the boys. They LOVE these trips and ask for them often. I've seen them become so much more independent and mature as a result of these trips and I have Paul to thank :) I have to admit that it's a little sad watching my boys grow up and become independent little men.... but, I have to remind myself that my job is to help them grow into healthy and independent adults. Even if it means its breaking my heart just a little bit :)
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