How much is too much?

When I was five years old, we moved from Iran to America.  I didn't speak a word of English and soon after our arrival, was enrolled in Kindergarten.  My parents were trying to acclimate to a new life here in Los Angeles so I was basically left to figure things out on my own.  When it came to school, my parents had very little, if any involvement in the day to day.  They would attend the usual open house and parents nights but that was all.  No volunteering.  No fundraisers to attend.  No lobbying for the "best teacher."  Now that my boys are in elementary school, I can't help but wonder if all this involvement my generation has with their children's school really necessary?

Every year, around April or May, I start to hear the buzz at school about which teachers parents are hoping for next year.  It becomes a constant focus of discussion at any school function.  I've found there are two groups and philosophies when it comes to this issue :

1. These parents are very hands off and let the chips fall where they may.  They believe in the process that the teachers go through to place the children and believe in it wholeheartedly.  There is no discussions with present teachers or any type of suggestions made as to which teacher they prefer for their child to have.  The lines of communication are open, but only used if there is a problem or concern with the child.

2. Conversely, these parents spend most of their time trying to get to know the teachers and therefore, have very strong opinions about which teacher will best suit their child.  They are very direct with their child's current teacher and will make their opinions known.  Some will put in specific requests for certain teachers, even though the school has a clear policy against this.

So, you're probably wondering what this has to do with my own experience as a child in public school. Well, as I mentioned before, my parents were not involved at all.  They let the chips fall where they were meant to fall, and I turned out just fine.  Of course, I had my fair share of distasteful teachers who weren't very motivated and lacked passion and enthusiasm.  However, I also had some wonderful teachers who I still remember to this day.  Is it really necessary to be so involved in the process?  I'm not sure.  Maybe I'm somewhere in the middle of the two groups I mentioned earlier.  I like to have a good rapport with my children's teachers.  I know my boys in ways the teachers don't and I think it's important for me to share this info with them.   However, I also know that my boys' teachers know them in a way I don't.  There needs to be a happy medium where ideas and suggestions are shared for the betterment of the child.  When my boys see me have an open and respectful relationship with their teachers, not only does that give them a sense of cohesiveness between school and home, but I believe it make them feel valued as students.  The message will be "you are important to us and we all want to see you succeed."

I guess when it comes down to it, this is another lesson in surrendering and letting go.  The reality of life is that there are very few things we can control.  It's hard to accept, but once you do, it's oh so liberating!